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One of my favorite shows is LOST, and on the very first episode, Jack (Matthew Fox) tells Kate (Evangeline Lily) a story of when he was performing surgery and something terrible went wrong. He said that he allowed the fear to come in. He said he would allow it to take over his entire being, but just for 5 seconds. After that, the fear would be gone and he would continue to do what he had to, to make the surgery a success. And it was.

Last week was probably one of the worst weeks in my life thus far. On Tuesday, I was laid off from my job at Stein Mart, a job that I loved, after 6 1/2 years of climbing the ladder. On Wednesday morning I was due in court for the finalization of my divorce. And on Friday, my beloved pet and child, Baxter, was on his way to Oklahoma to stay there for the next six months. I'm not sure I could have handled any more than that.

The corporate wide lay-off at Stein Mart included 178 Assistant Mangers, taking all but the top 50 stores from 2 and sometimes 3 assistants, down to just 1. It also included 5 District Managers and 26 other corporate and field positions. In my specific store case, the other assistant and I performed at the same level, so the decision was based on seniority. It was effective that day, which meant cleaning out my desk immediately followed the terrible news. My District Manger felt awful telling me the news, since she had absolutely no say in the decision. It gives me comfort to know that it really did just come down to years spent with the company rather than questioning whether my performance was a factor. I even told her after she gave me the news, "I guess it doesn't always pay to climb the ladder fast."

I am at peace with the divorce and am embracing a whole new outlook on life. I have a man of interest right now and my goal is to just have as much fun as I possibly can. I plan on coming out of my shell, opening myself up to new and exciting adventures I might never have done before, and making decisions based on what I want, rather than what I think people expect of me, one of my biggest downfalls thus far.

I am completely sad about losing Baxter, especially during a time when I could use his company the most. I haven't not had Baxter since the first month that I moved here almost 3 years ago. I miss his personality, cuddling, and feeling of protection. It's very quiet here, cleaner, yes, but much quieter. Although I do have to say, I don't miss taking him out 5-10 times a day. There's always a silver lining.

Everyday since I was laid off, I get a mini panic attack. Tears will start surfacing out of nowhere. I know I will find a job, a better job soon. It's just so hard to remain confident having been forced into this situation. It would be much easier to look for a job had it been my decision to leave, on my timeline. But it's not, and I know that I have to stay focused, proactive, and confident. I just wish these small panic attacks would go away soon.

I find myself also counting to five. To let in the sadness, pain, anger, and fear. To let it consume me, only to then use those emotions and put them where they are needed most: starting over. How many people get to start over in both their professional and personal lives all at the same time? I have gained much experience and perspective from the chapter in my life that has just ended, to do nothing but help me with the next. I'm starting over fresh, only this chapter of my life, I have a feeling, will be much sweeter this time around. I know it will.