Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Where do I freakin' begin?!?!

Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged and the more I procrastinate, the more things happen, and the more overwhelmed I get about where to start on blogging again. . .

So, I'm just going to jump in head first and start with the highlights:

1) am really starting to feel comfortable, truly comfortable, at my job
(a certain someone said it would take almost 6mos for this to happen)

2) involving myself in many fundraising walk, races, etc.
Hospice's "Walk to Remember", American Heart Assoc's "Heartwalk", American Cancer Society's "Relay for Life" and I'll be doing another one for the Susan G. Komen Foundation "Race for the Cure" on August 9th.

3)enjoying spending time with my Hospice patient at the nursing home. She seems to actually be making a recovery. As I visit more, she seems to be getting better, if that's possible. Last week, she talked to me the most she ever had.

4)Jonathan and I are doing great! I just enjoy his company so much! We are having a great time together. And I just Love his family!

5) I MOVED! This is my first place ever that I've moved in to that I am completely responsible for, that is ALL MY stuff and I just love it. It's a cozy 1bed 1.5bath townhome and I am loving decorating it!

6)I just bought my tickets to Virginia to visit Scott, Mandy, and Izzy the week of Labor Day, Saturday through Saturday! I am JUST so freakin' excited about it!

7) My birthday's tomorrow, and it really is the first birthday that I've really looked forward to celebrating! Not because of the age that I'm turning, it's not a big one or anything, but because of where I am in life, the people I have in my life, and the way I FEEL about life right now! I can't think of a better time to celebrate!

8)Mom and Dad are keeping Baxter for now, but I really do want to find a good home for him. While they take good care of him and provide him with his basic needs, they and I both know he could use a family that is going to provide him with as much attention as he craves (my dream would be a family on some land with kids). So if you know of anyone, please let me know!

9) I have been a selling maniac lately trying to get rid of the old and bring in the new! To date, I've sold over $750 worth of "stuff" since last March!!! I know, I know! So, now, I have a brand new couch, dining table, and it just looks so great, I'll post pics soon!

10) My life is a complete 180 from where it was at this exact same time a year ago. I was unhappily married, had been for the entire marriage, my husband was making phone calls to a girl that he went to school and promised he no longer was speaking with her. He even called her several times on my birthday last year. I didn't like/nor love my husband. I was moody, I was jealous of every friend I had, immensely depressed, I was. . .well, a mess. And had been for a long time. While I'm not going to say that I don't still get depressed sometimes, or don't still have things to work on, I have made some MAJOR steps to turn my life around and get it in the direction that it should have been in all along. My one realization is this, I could have NEVER gotten into this great part of my life had I not gone through those steps that I did to get here, and for that I'm grateful.

Ta ta for now!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Dreaded Apartment Search

So here's the dilemma. . .I love the apartment that I'm in right now. It has ample storage in every single room (if only you could see my closet!), it has a great layout, and is quite large. Now that I'm downsizing I'm realizing how much I'm going to miss my apartment. I won't miss the actual apt complex (really bad parking, NO amenities except for a dinky pool, not to mention the not so friendly staff). If I decide to stay here in this complex b/c I've decided that my apt is just that great, then that means one HUGE problem: Baxter will be out of the family. I obviously can't have Baxter here anymore since he's over the weight limit and I already got in trouble once, which is why he's in OK with my parents. And also, if I decide that I can't take him back, then mom and dad can't keep him either. It's just too much for them since they already have another dog (which used to be my brother's; they somehow keep inheriting pets).

And what's to say that when I do bring him back he'll hate it here, even if I take him to the dog park every single day? I just don't know what to do. I love him and miss him so much and would like to think that he thinks the same of me enough to go back to apartment living. But I just don't know.

I've looked at apartments that are ok; I've looked at apartments that have absolutely incredible amenities (i.e. DOG PARK, movie theater, fitness rooms, pool, etc) but the apt wasn't ideal. I'm trying to come to terms with living in a smaller space if I want to save money AND have Baxter. Somehow, I just can't get a bigger apt for the same amount that I'd pay here for a one bedroom, but also take large dogs.

Seriously. . .does it really have to be this difficult?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Only Enough Energy for an Update Post

Things are still going great. But, I've spent the day helping Laura paint and I'm majorly tired. However I realize I haven't posted in a while and figured I should update my readers. So, here's a snapshot:

1. Things with Jonathan keep getting better everyday. I learn new things that I find so interesting and great, which makes me feel blessed over and over to have met him.

2. The job is going great. I love the doctors I work for. Dr. Connor even took us to lunch at Houlihan's for Secretary's Day! How awesome is that?!

3. I watched Dr. Connor perform a bilateral mastectomy with a sentinal node injection. I met with the patient from almost the very beginning to let her know that I would be there, and she actually seemed quite comforted by it. I only got lightheaded once! It wasn't even at a point where I saw anything happening, it was just the fact that I was in a small room with a lot of people and it was really really hot, plus I had layers on. So, I immediately had to leave and sit down before I fainted. While in the OR, Dr. Connor did let me come see the breast of the patient after all of the breast tissue was gone to show me what it looked like and what exactly she had to do. It was an experience I will never forget!

4. The latest I have had to work on a Friday is 1:45pm, so I am LOVING the 2 1/2 day weekends!

5. The roommate situation with my friend from Stein Mart is not going to work out after all, unfortunately, and it makes me very sad. But, what I've realized is that rooming with someone whom you were already friends with really probably isn't the best situation, even if it does sound great. Being roommates is such a different dynamic that is revolved around BILLS and friends should not have to put themselves in that awkward situation. So, it's back to the drawing board on where my next place of residence will be. All I know, is that I can't wait for my parents to get here to help me with the process!

6. I'm realizing more and more how little I need. In the almost 4 months since I was let go from Stein Mart I have indulged in very, very little shopping for myself. I believe I have bought one DVD, the 4th season of LOST of course, and only one book, a Jodi Picoult book of course. Now, mom did indulge me a little bit when I went home last time, where I came home with 3 shirts for only $20, the 1st season of The Tudors, and a haircut. All wonderful choices to feed my shopping hunger. Thank you, Mom! But other than that, I just am not shopping at all, and I really don't miss it. I guess every time I think about shopping, I think about rent instead, or my car payment, or just plainly, my future. My future house that will have to have a down payment, upgrading my furniture, etc etc. So, I guess what I'm saying is, having left Stein Mart and taking a cut in pay has probably been the best answer to getting me to really hunker down and stick to the necessities in life.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

As It Should Be

Sleeping in 'til 11, aahhh. . .haven't done that in a while. Spending an entire day to myself and not turning on the tv until 8:30pm, haven't done that in a while either. Cleaning from 12-5, from the toilets to the bathtubs, from mopping every floor that can be mopped to dusting the tv. . .haven't done that much cleaning in a while. Cooking. . . . . . . . . . .well, that's just something I don't do. Ever.

Jonathan asked yesterday if I'd want to make spaghetti with him tonight and I said that sounds great. Basically, with the thought that he'd do most of it and I'd clean up afterwards. Sounds fair to me. Well, when he called to say he was running late from work and still had to go home and change and what not, I decided that I would go to the store myself instead of waiting on him. I got home with all of the goods and realized that it sure would be nice of me to just cook the meal, all by myself, for him. I also realize this was a good idea when I get a voicemail from him stating that he was leaving my apartment as he realized when he got here that he had forgotten his cell phone charger for his phone that was already on the verge of dying.

And I assure you, while it wasn't the hardest of recipes, it did involve a little more than throwing a jar of spaghetti sauce on top of some cooked noodles. When Jonathan finally arrived I had a nice vegetable medley stewing on the stove, the noodles coming to a nice boil, and french bread heating in the oven. He did proceed to make the salad from the fresh romaine lettuce I bought rather than the prepackaged kind we tend to buy, saying he couldn't just stand by and let me do everything.

And when he took his first bite he said it was perfect. It's not that I can't cook I've learned, it's just that I've tried for so long to not have to. But having someone as great as Jonathan to enjoy these meals with, he actually makes me want to cook and have this to do together. I actually really did enjoy myself tonight, something that's pretty much never occurred when I've tried cooking before.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Happiness. . .Pure and Simple

I'm not exactly sure when it happened or how, but it did. I've fallen in love, very much in love. And while I'd like to say it's been a long time since I've felt this way, honestly, I don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone. It's easy to love Jonathan, it's not a lot of work like it's been in the past. We get along, well. That's not to say we haven't had our disagreements, as is usual for any new relationship. I mean, we've basically coupled someone who has always been in a relationship and someone who has never been in one for any long period of time. So, that right there would make you think that we'd have a lot of issues. But they aren't anything we haven't been able to talk our way through (keyword: talk).

I've wondered time and time again if moving here 3 years ago wasn't God's grand plan to get me to start over in life. That it had absolutely nothing to do with me furthering my retail career, but really, it was to get me away from the comfortableness that was Edmond, OK and force me to re-evaluate my life. I can't tell you how many times before moving here and while living here, I just felt trapped. Trapped where I was in life, trapped in the decisions that I had made. I hastily chose the apartment complex that I'm living in now, and soon to be moving out of in late June, because I was suffocating in Blue Springs. I desperately wanted to be closer to my friends and just chose the closest place at the time. Now that I have a level head, I will be moving out and in with a friend from Stein Mart. It will be the first time I've had a true roommate and I am very excited and nervous about that. But as I told my worried mother, I'm not in a position to be extremely nitpicky about everything my friend may or may not do while living with her. I took a significant paycut, and cutting my rent by $327 would help me beyond belief. Plus, while working with her, we never clashed and I never got any bad feelings about her while working with her. We both love to do puzzles (which I have found to be quite unique!) and love movies, etc. I'm excited about this new phase that I'm soon to be entering in life and all of the new memories I will be making.

Back to Jonathan, because I know that's what you all really want to read about. . .

He makes me laugh; he make me smile from ear to ear; he makes me want to learn about the sports he enjoys; he is a BIG family person, something that is a MUST for me; he is extremely polite and has wonderful manners that put mine to complete shame; he puts an entire nest of butterflies in my stomach everyday; he takes my trash out before I have it overflowing; he's not a "game" person but is completely willing to learn (as long as I don't blow him out of the water everytime); he listens to me when I talk about my depression and has encouraged me to get back on my medicine; he's done my puzzle with me; he makes me want to be a better person; he sees the good parts in me even when I can't; he's not arrogant; he helps me to live in the present; he enjoys horror movies just as much as me; he's going to church with me; he makes me feel completely safe when I'm with him; he wants to take care of me; I like his family; I feel alive; we can talk for hours about anything and everything; simply put, I love him.

I love you, Not only for what you are; But for what I am When I am with you; I love you, Not only for what you have made of yourself, But for what you are making of me; I love you for the part of me that you bring out; I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart; And passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help dimply seeing there, and for drawing into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple; Out of the works of my every day not reproach, but a song. I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate could have done to make me happy. You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.

Roy Croft

Thank you Jonathan for bringing me to life; for being the reason that poem touched me so; for being my friend, for supporting me, for loving me. Thank you.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Cedar Ridge CC

Jonathan and I visited Cedar Ridge Christian Church today and really enjoyed ourselves. We definitely plan on returning. Just thought I'd share their site with you.

I have loved watching your love, respect, and commitment grow stronger through the years. I feel so blessed to have come from such wonderful parents with such a strong relationship.

Friday, February 27, 2009

I Was Right. . .The Weekend Couldn't Come Soon Enough

It's not that I didn't enjoy getting up every morning having a reason to set my alarm again, get dressed up, and pack a lunch. It was a just a very, long week. I didn't really know what to expect out of orientation. I knew that I would be learning a lot, I just didn't realize how much and what about. We had speakers from almost every department it seemed, i.e. respiratory therapy, rapid response team, organ donation, domestic violence, etc, etc, etc. The one speaker we did not have which surprised me, was someone from the Cancer Center. The Cancer Center has been open for about a year and a half now and has and is doing some amazing things. And while we learned about all of the other amazing things that KUMED is doing, they didn't even spend 15 minutes on the new Cancer Center and all that it is doing, and yet one more reason why it sets KUMED apart from all other hospitals here as well. I knew that I would eventually get there and find out all about it, I just thought they'd want all new employees to know something about it as well. And what was even more frustrating, is that our education specialists that were in charge of us for the last 3 days said they had not even been to the Cancer Center. Just a little frustrating, when you think about how their job is to orient us to the hospital, and for everyone else in my orientation, were able to answer their questions, to some degree, about where they would specifically be working. Nope, not for the CC employees. So, you can bet that I put that on their orientation critique!

I'm just thankful that I made it through the week. I now have 2 binders and 3 folders full of information about KUMED, and that doesn't even include anything about my "actual" job or the Cancer Center. *WARNING* more binders/folders on their way!

I also had my first visit with my first regular hospice patient in the nursing home. I was a little nervous, but overall, it was a good experience. The next time I come back she wants me to bring my cards again and play another game with her. I left feeling like I cheered her up and gave her something to look forward to next week. And that's always a satisfying feeling.

I hope my family knows how much I wish I could be with them this weekend. My dad's uncle passed away this week and the funeral was today. Luckily, my two uncles that are out of town were able to make it into town and be there with the rest of the family. I know that made my grandpa especially happy. I love and miss all of you.