I've now tried to contact the unemployment office 3 times since I was laid off. And every time, I of course can't speak to someone and have to go through the automated questionnaire. (I also HAVE to apply by phone due to the fact that I was employed by 2 different states in the past 18 mos, they just won't let you do it any other way b/c of that!) And now, everytime that I have made it through the 13 minute average call, at the end they have either told me 1) due to a high number of people already on hold, we suggest that you call back at a later time, or visit our website at blah blah blah.gov or 2) 3 minutes past 4 o'clock mind you, now that you have finished the first part of the application, you must speak to a representative to finish. . .our office is currently closed at this time (they close at 4 o'clock, you would think people would be working overtime right now!), we suggest that you call back at a later time or visit our website at blah blah blah.gov.
I would like to call back, I would like to do the responsible thing and go ahead and line up unemployment in case I don't find a job past my severance pay, but apparently, no time is good to call.
Back to the job search. . .
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Struggling
I wasn't prepared for the immense hit to my ego this lay-off would cause. It has made me feel quite inadequate, invaluable since I was just a number, and overall, ill-confident in my abilities. Looking back and analyzing myself and my situation, I know it's valid to feel this way, but I should just remember all of these things aren't true. Your family and friends would all agree. But it's very hard to remember during these long days of looking for jobs that don't seem appealing, days that just wear on and on. I feel as though it's been a month since I worked last when really it's only been 11 days.
Wednesday, I had my first interview at KUMED's Cancer Center. My good friend, Catie who works there talked highly of me which pushed me through to the interview much faster. It was a great interview. I feel I carried myself well and communicated my abilities and attributes the same. Unfortunately though, it turned out to just not be the right job. I think in a different time in my life it definitely could have been or could be, but just not right now. They called me to offer the job and I turned it down. I knew it was the right thing to do, but still, it was very hard. To think that it could have been my only offer of a job scared the heck out of me. Or, to think that it could have been my best offer. It is all just so frightening.
Since Wednesday, I haven't taken but two showers I think. I haven't really gotten out of this apartment except for last night, when I went to Laura's for some dinner and scrapbooking. I haven't put on makeup or done my hair since Wednesday. I just haven't had the motivation.
I am scared of getting out, because generally getting out means spending some amount of money. Money that is no longer coming in, money that I no longer have the ability to be careless about. Money that needs to last me until I find this job that is out there somewhere.
There is this dichotomy I have of being scared about a new job/career altogether, but also being scared of not even finding that new job. Overall, I'm pretty much just scared.
That's where I am today. And the only silver lining that I have found today, literally, is a receipt for something I've been wanting to return and couldn't without it. Well, at least there's a little bit of money that will be coming at me shortly.
Wednesday, I had my first interview at KUMED's Cancer Center. My good friend, Catie who works there talked highly of me which pushed me through to the interview much faster. It was a great interview. I feel I carried myself well and communicated my abilities and attributes the same. Unfortunately though, it turned out to just not be the right job. I think in a different time in my life it definitely could have been or could be, but just not right now. They called me to offer the job and I turned it down. I knew it was the right thing to do, but still, it was very hard. To think that it could have been my only offer of a job scared the heck out of me. Or, to think that it could have been my best offer. It is all just so frightening.
Since Wednesday, I haven't taken but two showers I think. I haven't really gotten out of this apartment except for last night, when I went to Laura's for some dinner and scrapbooking. I haven't put on makeup or done my hair since Wednesday. I just haven't had the motivation.
I am scared of getting out, because generally getting out means spending some amount of money. Money that is no longer coming in, money that I no longer have the ability to be careless about. Money that needs to last me until I find this job that is out there somewhere.
There is this dichotomy I have of being scared about a new job/career altogether, but also being scared of not even finding that new job. Overall, I'm pretty much just scared.
That's where I am today. And the only silver lining that I have found today, literally, is a receipt for something I've been wanting to return and couldn't without it. Well, at least there's a little bit of money that will be coming at me shortly.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5
One of my favorite shows is LOST, and on the very first episode, Jack (Matthew Fox) tells Kate (Evangeline Lily) a story of when he was performing surgery and something terrible went wrong. He said that he allowed the fear to come in. He said he would allow it to take over his entire being, but just for 5 seconds. After that, the fear would be gone and he would continue to do what he had to, to make the surgery a success. And it was.
Last week was probably one of the worst weeks in my life thus far. On Tuesday, I was laid off from my job at Stein Mart, a job that I loved, after 6 1/2 years of climbing the ladder. On Wednesday morning I was due in court for the finalization of my divorce. And on Friday, my beloved pet and child, Baxter, was on his way to Oklahoma to stay there for the next six months. I'm not sure I could have handled any more than that.
The corporate wide lay-off at Stein Mart included 178 Assistant Mangers, taking all but the top 50 stores from 2 and sometimes 3 assistants, down to just 1. It also included 5 District Managers and 26 other corporate and field positions. In my specific store case, the other assistant and I performed at the same level, so the decision was based on seniority. It was effective that day, which meant cleaning out my desk immediately followed the terrible news. My District Manger felt awful telling me the news, since she had absolutely no say in the decision. It gives me comfort to know that it really did just come down to years spent with the company rather than questioning whether my performance was a factor. I even told her after she gave me the news, "I guess it doesn't always pay to climb the ladder fast."
I am at peace with the divorce and am embracing a whole new outlook on life. I have a man of interest right now and my goal is to just have as much fun as I possibly can. I plan on coming out of my shell, opening myself up to new and exciting adventures I might never have done before, and making decisions based on what I want, rather than what I think people expect of me, one of my biggest downfalls thus far.
I am completely sad about losing Baxter, especially during a time when I could use his company the most. I haven't not had Baxter since the first month that I moved here almost 3 years ago. I miss his personality, cuddling, and feeling of protection. It's very quiet here, cleaner, yes, but much quieter. Although I do have to say, I don't miss taking him out 5-10 times a day. There's always a silver lining.
Everyday since I was laid off, I get a mini panic attack. Tears will start surfacing out of nowhere. I know I will find a job, a better job soon. It's just so hard to remain confident having been forced into this situation. It would be much easier to look for a job had it been my decision to leave, on my timeline. But it's not, and I know that I have to stay focused, proactive, and confident. I just wish these small panic attacks would go away soon.
I find myself also counting to five. To let in the sadness, pain, anger, and fear. To let it consume me, only to then use those emotions and put them where they are needed most: starting over. How many people get to start over in both their professional and personal lives all at the same time? I have gained much experience and perspective from the chapter in my life that has just ended, to do nothing but help me with the next. I'm starting over fresh, only this chapter of my life, I have a feeling, will be much sweeter this time around. I know it will.
Last week was probably one of the worst weeks in my life thus far. On Tuesday, I was laid off from my job at Stein Mart, a job that I loved, after 6 1/2 years of climbing the ladder. On Wednesday morning I was due in court for the finalization of my divorce. And on Friday, my beloved pet and child, Baxter, was on his way to Oklahoma to stay there for the next six months. I'm not sure I could have handled any more than that.
The corporate wide lay-off at Stein Mart included 178 Assistant Mangers, taking all but the top 50 stores from 2 and sometimes 3 assistants, down to just 1. It also included 5 District Managers and 26 other corporate and field positions. In my specific store case, the other assistant and I performed at the same level, so the decision was based on seniority. It was effective that day, which meant cleaning out my desk immediately followed the terrible news. My District Manger felt awful telling me the news, since she had absolutely no say in the decision. It gives me comfort to know that it really did just come down to years spent with the company rather than questioning whether my performance was a factor. I even told her after she gave me the news, "I guess it doesn't always pay to climb the ladder fast."
I am at peace with the divorce and am embracing a whole new outlook on life. I have a man of interest right now and my goal is to just have as much fun as I possibly can. I plan on coming out of my shell, opening myself up to new and exciting adventures I might never have done before, and making decisions based on what I want, rather than what I think people expect of me, one of my biggest downfalls thus far.
I am completely sad about losing Baxter, especially during a time when I could use his company the most. I haven't not had Baxter since the first month that I moved here almost 3 years ago. I miss his personality, cuddling, and feeling of protection. It's very quiet here, cleaner, yes, but much quieter. Although I do have to say, I don't miss taking him out 5-10 times a day. There's always a silver lining.
Everyday since I was laid off, I get a mini panic attack. Tears will start surfacing out of nowhere. I know I will find a job, a better job soon. It's just so hard to remain confident having been forced into this situation. It would be much easier to look for a job had it been my decision to leave, on my timeline. But it's not, and I know that I have to stay focused, proactive, and confident. I just wish these small panic attacks would go away soon.
I find myself also counting to five. To let in the sadness, pain, anger, and fear. To let it consume me, only to then use those emotions and put them where they are needed most: starting over. How many people get to start over in both their professional and personal lives all at the same time? I have gained much experience and perspective from the chapter in my life that has just ended, to do nothing but help me with the next. I'm starting over fresh, only this chapter of my life, I have a feeling, will be much sweeter this time around. I know it will.
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