Day 2

This morning's portion of the orientation basically sucked. I looked around the room and we were all trying to keep from falling asleep. It was a 3 hour marathon on Safety Training: What to do in an emergency situation; needle safety; sprinkler system (they are not fully sprinkler equipped, yea!), fire safety; etc, etc, etc. It was a very long morning, and because the guest speakers kept going over their time, they shortened our 15 minute break to a 5 minute break, ugh. The second half of the day wasn't so bad, it was the Nursing Orientation portion. Anyone that is an RN, HCA/HCT, or Unit Secretary got to stay for this portion. In essence, we just went over a lot of the policies that we already went over yesterday, with a little more detail. We ended the day with a small tutorial about the KUMED website and what we will be able to do with it once we are able to get logged on, which will be tomorrow.

One of our speakers today spoke about the RN programs for those of us who do not have a nursing degree and a little bit about all of the opportunities. I also learned from a girl sitting two rows down, that if you work at a hospital, the state of Kansas has to pay for your nursing assistant certification, aka CNA. She apparently just got something in the mail about that since she is about to finish her certification. This option is just sounding more and more appealing. I asked her a little bit about her path in getting a CNA. She is doing it at Johnson Co. Community College and they have a full-time 2 week program and even night/weekend programs that are 8 or 10 weeks long. Definitely do-able! So I will be looking into that soon. If I decide to go ahead and go into nursing, this takes care of a lot of the pre-requisites for the nursing degree, plus I'll be certified and able to take extra shifts at the hospital for some extra cash. I'll let you know what I find out.

Overall, not a bad day, even though my pant's zipper did break at the beginning of the day and made me vey thankful that I wore a long shirt. I parked even further away today and since it was so nice when I was done for the day, I decided to skip the shuttle and walk. Going from working in retail always walking/practically running, to a basically sit-down job, I'm going to have to find some ways to fit in some extra exercise.

And On the Eighth Week. . .

she went back to work.


I am happy to report that I had a very successful first day at KUMED! While I didn't "work" today, I do feel that I definitely earned some paid time. Orientation with KUMED is definitely arduous to say the least. Not only did I just finish a tedious process of post-offer/pre-first day on the job (i.e., drug test, physical, getting BLS certified for healthcare providers {CPR} , online paperwork, etc), it is now a very long and lengthy orientation. I know all of this informtion is very important for my time that will be spent working here; believe me, I'm taking lots of notes. But it does eerily feel like my first day college, one small fish in a very LARGE ocean.

Speaking of college, you would think that with such a long day and it being very intimidating that going back to school would be the last thing on my mind. When actually, I found myself thinking of how nice it would be to go back and get my Masters or even go to nursing school. Right now, I just feel like the possibilities for me are endless, and that feels absolutely wonderful!

Oh, and I did manage to successfully park in the correct parking lot, walk the two blocks to get to my destination and get there 10 minutes early. Not so bad for the first day, seems how this was the part that was causing me the most anxiety.

I can't wait to see how the rest of the week turns out. Even though I am so excited to have structure back in my life and a reason to wear my "business casual" outfits again, I do believe I will be thankful for the weekend when it arrives.

One last thing. . .I received both my new Kansas DL and Social Security card in the mail today. I am a Meadows again and could not be happier!

Overwhelmed, Blessed, and Sleeping In

I just received my packet of new hire information from KU. Not exactly the package I wanted to receive from FEDEX on Valentine's Day, but what are you gonna do? Inside contained my new hire orientation schedule, direct deposit form, my lengthy job description, a HUGE brochure on parking alone which left me, well, completely overwhelmed. My recruiter did however forget to include the parking form and map for the Westwood Campus (I am presuming this is the campus in which the Cancer Center resides, and yes, I do feel stupid for not even being entirely sure of this). I emailed her to let her know that I was missing that, especially since my orientation schedule said to be sure to have this so that I may obtain a vey important sticker for my car. I receive an automatic reply stating that she will not be in her office Monday, so hopefully I will get a hold of her before the end of the week.

My friend Catie, who also works at KU , and of course helped me find this great job opportunity went through much of the same worries and anxiety as I am starting to feel as well. Her posts about this have helped me work through my anxiety. I know that she will be a rock for me when I truly need it. Thank you!!!

But right now, I feel very lost in it all. The parking alone has got me feeling very anxious. And while I do realize I will get used to it, as we all seem to do, I do remember Catie saying something about parking being a nightmare. Ugh.

What I am excited about is having yet one more week without responsibilities. Now this doesn't mean that I can allow myself to be irresponsible (i.e., going out and spending lots of money that I will soon not have), it just means that I get to sleep in, go to bed late, and take advantage of the things that I will not be able to do once I start my new job. Ahh, the good life.

Full Circle

Here's my update:

1. Had a phone interview with VF Corporation for a store manager position, but they passed on me for my lack of store management experience. Remember Laresa: Things happen for a reason. Wasn't meant to be.

2. Bundled up and headed to The Legends and turned in my resume to many different stores, and landed myself an interview with Claire's. Just what I needed to end the day.

3. Miscommunication from the HR Department of KUMED (and my not asking further questions and being too sheepish) caused for a re-offer of employment today. Yea!

4. My old District Director from Stein Mart calls to offer me an Assistant Manager position again. The catch? Relocate to St. Louis. While just being back with Stein Mart sounds appealing, relocating to a town full of no one's, when I'm not even sure where Stein Mart will be in a year seals the deal that that would have been the easiest and dumbest decision at the same time. It is time for CHANGE!

5. Decide to take the offer at KUMED. While change is incredibly scary, it's even more scary to think about staying in retail in an economy like this, and if I want a change in my life, this is THE time to do it. My degree is in the helping field and that is exactly what I want to get back to doing. So what if I have to live paycheck to paycheck for a while? I won't be doing it forever, and I have to start somewhere. (plus, being out of retail means 1/4 of my check won't be going right back into it!)

6. Did I mention that since I've never known a year with more than 11 weekends off, evenings free, without a can't wait til it's over holiday season, I have absolutely no idea how to fathom now having those things? I'm so flippin' excited!

7. I've also learned that I needed this time to evalute where I am in life and what I want from it. If I had taken the KUMED job when it was first offered, I would not have learned as much about myself as I've had the chance to do these past 4 1/2 weeks. I would have still had a lot of "what ifs" and those are never fun. So, I truly believe that I've been given a second chance with them because that's how it was supposed to work out. It sucked and I definitely would have had more money in my pocket had I taken it the first time around, but money can't buy life lessons. One that I am grateful to have had, and will be all the more prepared if it ever happens again.

Frustrated

I've now tried to contact the unemployment office 3 times since I was laid off. And every time, I of course can't speak to someone and have to go through the automated questionnaire. (I also HAVE to apply by phone due to the fact that I was employed by 2 different states in the past 18 mos, they just won't let you do it any other way b/c of that!) And now, everytime that I have made it through the 13 minute average call, at the end they have either told me 1) due to a high number of people already on hold, we suggest that you call back at a later time, or visit our website at blah blah blah.gov or 2) 3 minutes past 4 o'clock mind you, now that you have finished the first part of the application, you must speak to a representative to finish. . .our office is currently closed at this time (they close at 4 o'clock, you would think people would be working overtime right now!), we suggest that you call back at a later time or visit our website at blah blah blah.gov.

I would like to call back, I would like to do the responsible thing and go ahead and line up unemployment in case I don't find a job past my severance pay, but apparently, no time is good to call.

Back to the job search. . .

Struggling

I wasn't prepared for the immense hit to my ego this lay-off would cause. It has made me feel quite inadequate, invaluable since I was just a number, and overall, ill-confident in my abilities. Looking back and analyzing myself and my situation, I know it's valid to feel this way, but I should just remember all of these things aren't true. Your family and friends would all agree. But it's very hard to remember during these long days of looking for jobs that don't seem appealing, days that just wear on and on. I feel as though it's been a month since I worked last when really it's only been 11 days.

Wednesday, I had my first interview at KUMED's Cancer Center. My good friend, Catie who works there talked highly of me which pushed me through to the interview much faster. It was a great interview. I feel I carried myself well and communicated my abilities and attributes the same. Unfortunately though, it turned out to just not be the right job. I think in a different time in my life it definitely could have been or could be, but just not right now. They called me to offer the job and I turned it down. I knew it was the right thing to do, but still, it was very hard. To think that it could have been my only offer of a job scared the heck out of me. Or, to think that it could have been my best offer. It is all just so frightening.

Since Wednesday, I haven't taken but two showers I think. I haven't really gotten out of this apartment except for last night, when I went to Laura's for some dinner and scrapbooking. I haven't put on makeup or done my hair since Wednesday. I just haven't had the motivation.
I am scared of getting out, because generally getting out means spending some amount of money. Money that is no longer coming in, money that I no longer have the ability to be careless about. Money that needs to last me until I find this job that is out there somewhere.
There is this dichotomy I have of being scared about a new job/career altogether, but also being scared of not even finding that new job. Overall, I'm pretty much just scared.

That's where I am today. And the only silver lining that I have found today, literally, is a receipt for something I've been wanting to return and couldn't without it. Well, at least there's a little bit of money that will be coming at me shortly.

1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5

One of my favorite shows is LOST, and on the very first episode, Jack (Matthew Fox) tells Kate (Evangeline Lily) a story of when he was performing surgery and something terrible went wrong. He said that he allowed the fear to come in. He said he would allow it to take over his entire being, but just for 5 seconds. After that, the fear would be gone and he would continue to do what he had to, to make the surgery a success. And it was.

Last week was probably one of the worst weeks in my life thus far. On Tuesday, I was laid off from my job at Stein Mart, a job that I loved, after 6 1/2 years of climbing the ladder. On Wednesday morning I was due in court for the finalization of my divorce. And on Friday, my beloved pet and child, Baxter, was on his way to Oklahoma to stay there for the next six months. I'm not sure I could have handled any more than that.

The corporate wide lay-off at Stein Mart included 178 Assistant Mangers, taking all but the top 50 stores from 2 and sometimes 3 assistants, down to just 1. It also included 5 District Managers and 26 other corporate and field positions. In my specific store case, the other assistant and I performed at the same level, so the decision was based on seniority. It was effective that day, which meant cleaning out my desk immediately followed the terrible news. My District Manger felt awful telling me the news, since she had absolutely no say in the decision. It gives me comfort to know that it really did just come down to years spent with the company rather than questioning whether my performance was a factor. I even told her after she gave me the news, "I guess it doesn't always pay to climb the ladder fast."

I am at peace with the divorce and am embracing a whole new outlook on life. I have a man of interest right now and my goal is to just have as much fun as I possibly can. I plan on coming out of my shell, opening myself up to new and exciting adventures I might never have done before, and making decisions based on what I want, rather than what I think people expect of me, one of my biggest downfalls thus far.

I am completely sad about losing Baxter, especially during a time when I could use his company the most. I haven't not had Baxter since the first month that I moved here almost 3 years ago. I miss his personality, cuddling, and feeling of protection. It's very quiet here, cleaner, yes, but much quieter. Although I do have to say, I don't miss taking him out 5-10 times a day. There's always a silver lining.

Everyday since I was laid off, I get a mini panic attack. Tears will start surfacing out of nowhere. I know I will find a job, a better job soon. It's just so hard to remain confident having been forced into this situation. It would be much easier to look for a job had it been my decision to leave, on my timeline. But it's not, and I know that I have to stay focused, proactive, and confident. I just wish these small panic attacks would go away soon.

I find myself also counting to five. To let in the sadness, pain, anger, and fear. To let it consume me, only to then use those emotions and put them where they are needed most: starting over. How many people get to start over in both their professional and personal lives all at the same time? I have gained much experience and perspective from the chapter in my life that has just ended, to do nothing but help me with the next. I'm starting over fresh, only this chapter of my life, I have a feeling, will be much sweeter this time around. I know it will.