Happiness. . .Pure and Simple

I'm not exactly sure when it happened or how, but it did. I've fallen in love, very much in love. And while I'd like to say it's been a long time since I've felt this way, honestly, I don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone. It's easy to love Jonathan, it's not a lot of work like it's been in the past. We get along, well. That's not to say we haven't had our disagreements, as is usual for any new relationship. I mean, we've basically coupled someone who has always been in a relationship and someone who has never been in one for any long period of time. So, that right there would make you think that we'd have a lot of issues. But they aren't anything we haven't been able to talk our way through (keyword: talk).

I've wondered time and time again if moving here 3 years ago wasn't God's grand plan to get me to start over in life. That it had absolutely nothing to do with me furthering my retail career, but really, it was to get me away from the comfortableness that was Edmond, OK and force me to re-evaluate my life. I can't tell you how many times before moving here and while living here, I just felt trapped. Trapped where I was in life, trapped in the decisions that I had made. I hastily chose the apartment complex that I'm living in now, and soon to be moving out of in late June, because I was suffocating in Blue Springs. I desperately wanted to be closer to my friends and just chose the closest place at the time. Now that I have a level head, I will be moving out and in with a friend from Stein Mart. It will be the first time I've had a true roommate and I am very excited and nervous about that. But as I told my worried mother, I'm not in a position to be extremely nitpicky about everything my friend may or may not do while living with her. I took a significant paycut, and cutting my rent by $327 would help me beyond belief. Plus, while working with her, we never clashed and I never got any bad feelings about her while working with her. We both love to do puzzles (which I have found to be quite unique!) and love movies, etc. I'm excited about this new phase that I'm soon to be entering in life and all of the new memories I will be making.

Back to Jonathan, because I know that's what you all really want to read about. . .

He makes me laugh; he make me smile from ear to ear; he makes me want to learn about the sports he enjoys; he is a BIG family person, something that is a MUST for me; he is extremely polite and has wonderful manners that put mine to complete shame; he puts an entire nest of butterflies in my stomach everyday; he takes my trash out before I have it overflowing; he's not a "game" person but is completely willing to learn (as long as I don't blow him out of the water everytime); he listens to me when I talk about my depression and has encouraged me to get back on my medicine; he's done my puzzle with me; he makes me want to be a better person; he sees the good parts in me even when I can't; he's not arrogant; he helps me to live in the present; he enjoys horror movies just as much as me; he's going to church with me; he makes me feel completely safe when I'm with him; he wants to take care of me; I like his family; I feel alive; we can talk for hours about anything and everything; simply put, I love him.


I love you, Not only for what you are; But for what I am When I am with you; I love you, Not only for what you have made of yourself, But for what you are making of me; I love you for the part of me that you bring out; I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart; And passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can't help dimply seeing there, and for drawing into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find. I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple; Out of the works of my every day not reproach, but a song. I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good, and more than any fate could have done to make me happy. You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign. You have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.

Roy Croft


Thank you Jonathan for bringing me to life; for being the reason that poem touched me so; for being my friend, for supporting me, for loving me. Thank you.

Cedar Ridge CC

Jonathan and I visited Cedar Ridge Christian Church today and really enjoyed ourselves. We definitely plan on returning. Just thought I'd share their site with you.

HAPPY 34th ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD!

I have loved watching your love, respect, and commitment grow stronger through the years. I feel so blessed to have come from such wonderful parents with such a strong relationship.

I Was Right. . .The Weekend Couldn't Come Soon Enough

It's not that I didn't enjoy getting up every morning having a reason to set my alarm again, get dressed up, and pack a lunch. It was a just a very, long week. I didn't really know what to expect out of orientation. I knew that I would be learning a lot, I just didn't realize how much and what about. We had speakers from almost every department it seemed, i.e. respiratory therapy, rapid response team, organ donation, domestic violence, etc, etc, etc. The one speaker we did not have which surprised me, was someone from the Cancer Center. The Cancer Center has been open for about a year and a half now and has and is doing some amazing things. And while we learned about all of the other amazing things that KUMED is doing, they didn't even spend 15 minutes on the new Cancer Center and all that it is doing, and yet one more reason why it sets KUMED apart from all other hospitals here as well. I knew that I would eventually get there and find out all about it, I just thought they'd want all new employees to know something about it as well. And what was even more frustrating, is that our education specialists that were in charge of us for the last 3 days said they had not even been to the Cancer Center. Just a little frustrating, when you think about how their job is to orient us to the hospital, and for everyone else in my orientation, were able to answer their questions, to some degree, about where they would specifically be working. Nope, not for the CC employees. So, you can bet that I put that on their orientation critique!

I'm just thankful that I made it through the week. I now have 2 binders and 3 folders full of information about KUMED, and that doesn't even include anything about my "actual" job or the Cancer Center. *WARNING* more binders/folders on their way!

I also had my first visit with my first regular hospice patient in the nursing home. I was a little nervous, but overall, it was a good experience. The next time I come back she wants me to bring my cards again and play another game with her. I left feeling like I cheered her up and gave her something to look forward to next week. And that's always a satisfying feeling.


I hope my family knows how much I wish I could be with them this weekend. My dad's uncle passed away this week and the funeral was today. Luckily, my two uncles that are out of town were able to make it into town and be there with the rest of the family. I know that made my grandpa especially happy. I love and miss all of you.

Day 2

This morning's portion of the orientation basically sucked. I looked around the room and we were all trying to keep from falling asleep. It was a 3 hour marathon on Safety Training: What to do in an emergency situation; needle safety; sprinkler system (they are not fully sprinkler equipped, yea!), fire safety; etc, etc, etc. It was a very long morning, and because the guest speakers kept going over their time, they shortened our 15 minute break to a 5 minute break, ugh. The second half of the day wasn't so bad, it was the Nursing Orientation portion. Anyone that is an RN, HCA/HCT, or Unit Secretary got to stay for this portion. In essence, we just went over a lot of the policies that we already went over yesterday, with a little more detail. We ended the day with a small tutorial about the KUMED website and what we will be able to do with it once we are able to get logged on, which will be tomorrow.

One of our speakers today spoke about the RN programs for those of us who do not have a nursing degree and a little bit about all of the opportunities. I also learned from a girl sitting two rows down, that if you work at a hospital, the state of Kansas has to pay for your nursing assistant certification, aka CNA. She apparently just got something in the mail about that since she is about to finish her certification. This option is just sounding more and more appealing. I asked her a little bit about her path in getting a CNA. She is doing it at Johnson Co. Community College and they have a full-time 2 week program and even night/weekend programs that are 8 or 10 weeks long. Definitely do-able! So I will be looking into that soon. If I decide to go ahead and go into nursing, this takes care of a lot of the pre-requisites for the nursing degree, plus I'll be certified and able to take extra shifts at the hospital for some extra cash. I'll let you know what I find out.

Overall, not a bad day, even though my pant's zipper did break at the beginning of the day and made me vey thankful that I wore a long shirt. I parked even further away today and since it was so nice when I was done for the day, I decided to skip the shuttle and walk. Going from working in retail always walking/practically running, to a basically sit-down job, I'm going to have to find some ways to fit in some extra exercise.

And On the Eighth Week. . .

she went back to work.


I am happy to report that I had a very successful first day at KUMED! While I didn't "work" today, I do feel that I definitely earned some paid time. Orientation with KUMED is definitely arduous to say the least. Not only did I just finish a tedious process of post-offer/pre-first day on the job (i.e., drug test, physical, getting BLS certified for healthcare providers {CPR} , online paperwork, etc), it is now a very long and lengthy orientation. I know all of this informtion is very important for my time that will be spent working here; believe me, I'm taking lots of notes. But it does eerily feel like my first day college, one small fish in a very LARGE ocean.

Speaking of college, you would think that with such a long day and it being very intimidating that going back to school would be the last thing on my mind. When actually, I found myself thinking of how nice it would be to go back and get my Masters or even go to nursing school. Right now, I just feel like the possibilities for me are endless, and that feels absolutely wonderful!

Oh, and I did manage to successfully park in the correct parking lot, walk the two blocks to get to my destination and get there 10 minutes early. Not so bad for the first day, seems how this was the part that was causing me the most anxiety.

I can't wait to see how the rest of the week turns out. Even though I am so excited to have structure back in my life and a reason to wear my "business casual" outfits again, I do believe I will be thankful for the weekend when it arrives.

One last thing. . .I received both my new Kansas DL and Social Security card in the mail today. I am a Meadows again and could not be happier!

Overwhelmed, Blessed, and Sleeping In

I just received my packet of new hire information from KU. Not exactly the package I wanted to receive from FEDEX on Valentine's Day, but what are you gonna do? Inside contained my new hire orientation schedule, direct deposit form, my lengthy job description, a HUGE brochure on parking alone which left me, well, completely overwhelmed. My recruiter did however forget to include the parking form and map for the Westwood Campus (I am presuming this is the campus in which the Cancer Center resides, and yes, I do feel stupid for not even being entirely sure of this). I emailed her to let her know that I was missing that, especially since my orientation schedule said to be sure to have this so that I may obtain a vey important sticker for my car. I receive an automatic reply stating that she will not be in her office Monday, so hopefully I will get a hold of her before the end of the week.

My friend Catie, who also works at KU , and of course helped me find this great job opportunity went through much of the same worries and anxiety as I am starting to feel as well. Her posts about this have helped me work through my anxiety. I know that she will be a rock for me when I truly need it. Thank you!!!

But right now, I feel very lost in it all. The parking alone has got me feeling very anxious. And while I do realize I will get used to it, as we all seem to do, I do remember Catie saying something about parking being a nightmare. Ugh.

What I am excited about is having yet one more week without responsibilities. Now this doesn't mean that I can allow myself to be irresponsible (i.e., going out and spending lots of money that I will soon not have), it just means that I get to sleep in, go to bed late, and take advantage of the things that I will not be able to do once I start my new job. Ahh, the good life.

Full Circle

Here's my update:

1. Had a phone interview with VF Corporation for a store manager position, but they passed on me for my lack of store management experience. Remember Laresa: Things happen for a reason. Wasn't meant to be.

2. Bundled up and headed to The Legends and turned in my resume to many different stores, and landed myself an interview with Claire's. Just what I needed to end the day.

3. Miscommunication from the HR Department of KUMED (and my not asking further questions and being too sheepish) caused for a re-offer of employment today. Yea!

4. My old District Director from Stein Mart calls to offer me an Assistant Manager position again. The catch? Relocate to St. Louis. While just being back with Stein Mart sounds appealing, relocating to a town full of no one's, when I'm not even sure where Stein Mart will be in a year seals the deal that that would have been the easiest and dumbest decision at the same time. It is time for CHANGE!

5. Decide to take the offer at KUMED. While change is incredibly scary, it's even more scary to think about staying in retail in an economy like this, and if I want a change in my life, this is THE time to do it. My degree is in the helping field and that is exactly what I want to get back to doing. So what if I have to live paycheck to paycheck for a while? I won't be doing it forever, and I have to start somewhere. (plus, being out of retail means 1/4 of my check won't be going right back into it!)

6. Did I mention that since I've never known a year with more than 11 weekends off, evenings free, without a can't wait til it's over holiday season, I have absolutely no idea how to fathom now having those things? I'm so flippin' excited!

7. I've also learned that I needed this time to evalute where I am in life and what I want from it. If I had taken the KUMED job when it was first offered, I would not have learned as much about myself as I've had the chance to do these past 4 1/2 weeks. I would have still had a lot of "what ifs" and those are never fun. So, I truly believe that I've been given a second chance with them because that's how it was supposed to work out. It sucked and I definitely would have had more money in my pocket had I taken it the first time around, but money can't buy life lessons. One that I am grateful to have had, and will be all the more prepared if it ever happens again.